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Ask Bill has a master's degree in counseling psychology from the University of Southern Mississippi and has been a licensed professional counselor since 1987. He has 23 years of individual and relational counseling experience and serves as an adjunct instructor in counseling psychology at Mississippi College. He has been a reserve deputy for 13 years with the Madison County Sheriff's Office and is a ruling elder at Grace Chapel Evangelical Presbyterian Church. He adores his wife of 34 years and their two grown children. SURVIVING OR RELISHING YOUNG TEENS? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU HEARD OR SAID SOMETHING LIKE, "IF I CAN JUST SURVIVE MY KID'S TEEN YEARS, EVERYTHING WILL BE OK"? Understanding the parents' role as nurturing and not crisis intervention will help strengthen the relationship and promote a better sense of control for the parent and the teen. From infancy to young adult, there are critical developmental phases when your child is programmed to begin separating from caregivers and establishing an individual self—physically, psychologically and emotionally. This is where conflict may enter the relationship. As I look back to our daughters' adolescent years, I can attest to failures and successes as a parent. However, what I really remember, even through difficult times, is the enjoyment of being a partner in the responsibility of helping our girls on their paths to adulthood. One's attitude toward a situation shapes the way one acts in it. I believe that if you choose to do something, you should choose to be positive in doing it. This includes being a parent. In today's high-stress world, it is easy to become tired and less enthusiastic about all that you have to manage. I encourage you to stop and catch your breath at least once a day and reflect on the blessings given to you in the form of your children. Check your attitude to make sure you are seeing things from the standpoint of relishing your involvement as a parent and not just surviving it. Here are some ideas to keep in mind as you relish being a parent to a young teenager. • Establish healthy parenting when they are young. • Ask for forgiveness, if necessary. • Show a desire to be with them. • Negotiate and compromise. • Be a good role model. • Your teenager needs you as much as ever before. • Allow for safe rebellion. • Stay involved. • Remember you are a parent, not a best friend. • Chronic arguing is a sign of being out of control. • Trust but verify. • Establish clear parameters of expected behavior. • Reserve your right to make mistakes and admit your mistakes. • Laugh! Parenting is one of the most important callings you will ever experience. Relish it! 14 w w w. s t d o m . c o m LOCAL