Sacred Heart - Inspiring Health

4 One BIG, Happy Family GATHERINGS WITH YOUR KIN SHOULD BE TIMES FOR JOY AND LAUGHTER, NOT DRAMA AND TEARS. PUT FAMILY FEUDS BEHIND YOU AND KEEP EVERYONE SUNNY AND CIVIL THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. EVERY HOLIDAY, IT HAPPENS:The burning desire to spend time with family and relatives during the season overtakes us. Suddenly we are face to face with people we have not seen in years, and in some cases feel we could go a few more years without seeing. Learning to let go of past grievances and set new patterns of behavior can be a healthy way to head into the holidays. THE POINTLESS PURSUIT OF PERFECTION "The perfect family doesn't exist," says Gina Lien, MS, LPC, psychotherapist at the L.E. Phillips-Libertas Treatment Center at St. Joseph's Hospital. "People sometimes think that getting together during the holidays or for a special event will miraculously cure the issues that were previously present. The issues still exist, but often they are set aside for the day so that family members can spend time with those that they love, even though they might not get along normally." According to Lien, holiday gatherings can bring back old family patterns and roles. Certain family members can bring negative attitudes and behaviors to a holiday get-together that is already brimming with anxiety and stress. Emotional topics can become painful subjects, and arguments might erupt. Altering expectations and modeling the kind of polite, respectful behavior you would like to see from other relatives is key to changing unhealthy family dynamics. It's Time to Party… Responsibly You don't have to serve alcohol at a family function to get into the holiday spirit. Holiday gatherings are a time to relax and let go with family and friends. But hosting a party does not mean you have to provide alcoholic beverages for people to have a good time— especially if children are going to be present. SPIRIT, NOT SPIRITS Let guests know ahead of time that no alcohol will be served at your event. As the host, you have the right to set clear boundaries for your home and family. If guests arrive impaired, speak to them privately about their condition and remember to stay calm. Try to defuse the situation as best you can without creating an emotional scene. Enlist the help of other relatives who can offer their support and supervision. DO AS I DO ✳Set realistic boundariesandexpectations for family members.Don't expect everyone to get along, but do expect guests to be civil and polite. If there is a history of tension between certain family members, invite relatives who are easygoing who can act as buffers and lighten the mood. ✳Keep the conversation light and positive. Don't allow inappropriate gossip or emotional topics to be discussed. Stop yourself from getting sucked back into old patterns of behavior by redirecting the conversation. ✳Plan ahead to avoid reacting to hot-button issues or uncomfortable situations with familymembers. Choose a new response by learning to take the high road and having a positive attitude. INSPIRING HEALTH

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