Issue link: https://viewer.e-digitaledition.com/i/695583
O ne in four women will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime. Despite this problem's prevalence in our society, few steps have been taken to address it. Indeed, people often under- estimate the extent of domestic violence in Jewish communities such as our own, believ- ing that it is something that happens to other communities, especially those of less affluence. Unfortunately, this false assumption causes domestic violence within our community to be ignored, which, in turn, discourages victims from seeking help. The tragedy with domestic violence going unaddressed in the Jewish community is that our very Jewish values provide a playbook to recognize it, create avenues for victims to seek help and to stop it at its roots. One reason why domestic violence occurs at such a high rate is that friends and fam- ily of victims lack the fundamental ability to recognize it. However, signs usually exist that it is occurring, and our Jewish values encourage people to have the vision to rec- ognize those signs. Signs that someone may be experiencing domestic violence include absences from school or work, changes in personality, low self-esteem and isolation. While these signs may be somewhat vague or not directly indicative of violence, they are all examples of bad things happening to people. As Jews, we have an obligation to "bakesh shalom v'rodfehu" or to "seek peace and pur- sue it." In this case, bakesh shalom v'rodfehu teaches not to ignore someone's absences, personality changes, expressed low self- esteem or isolation. Rather, it teaches us to reach out to discover what is wrong and to help. A critical reason why domestic violence is so hard to combat is because victims often do not come forward. They could be afraid of what their partner might do (or they have received threats from their partner) or could be afraid of what people may think. One way to encourage victims of domestic violence to seek help is to always reach out to people who appear to be in need — to "seek peace" for them and "pursue it." Bakesh shalom v'rodfehu also instructs Jews to be proactive in help- ing others, including by organizing others to do the same. In the case of domestic violence, there are many types of organized assistance our members could establish by leverag- ing our large number of profession- als, giving members and financial strength. Whether it is free counsel- ing, legal services, lodging or even financial assistance, our community has the talent and resources to provide help. For example, willing people in our com- munity could temporarily house victims of domestic abuse after they choose to leave their abusers. The organization could set up a mobile application similar to Airbnb, which helps travelers find places to stay. With respect to domestic violence, victims could use the application confidentially to choose a conveniently located home with amenities to suit their and their children's needs. For another example, people could volun- teer to escort victims or accompany them throughout their day to make them feel safe after they have fled an abuser. Indeed, this could even be done on an "electronic" basis. On college campuses throughout the country, applications are emerging that allow students to walk home alone while being "e-accompanied" by a family member or friend who is then notified if the student either presses a button or fails to press a button within a certain amount of time. By utilizing this technology for domestic abuse victims in our community with our members monitoring, we can help them continue with their daily lives with little interruption. PREVENTING ABUSE However, helping domestic violence victims after the fact does not prevent domestic violence from occurring in the first place. In order to stop domestic violence, we must educate people before they become abusers — in fact, when they are children. What we learn as children impacts us for the rest of our lives. The Jewish value of derech eretz, or "proper behavior," instructs us to do this very thing. The values instilled in us as children from our parents, friends and teachers shape whom we will become. As part of derech eretz, children must be expressly taught that violence against children and spouses is unacceptable in our community and soci- ety. Children must also be taught that even when they feel they do not have the means to deal with problems or insecurities in their relationships other than by violence (which is often the mindset of domestic abusers), there are, in fact, other means, and violence is never acceptable. So, as part of teaching "proper behavior," our community (through its day school and Hebrew school curriculums) must not only teach that violence is never acceptable, but must also teach children the practical con- flict resolution and people skills to substitute for violence. Finally, Jewish values teach that we pun- ish those who choose to engage in domestic violence. Jews believe in the concept of hochai'ach tochee'ach or "you shall rebuke." This value requires a Jew to be a critic of those who make terrible mistakes in order to aid society. Consistent with this value, there must be consequences for those who engage in domestic violence. Our community can achieve this by reporting known instances of domestic abuse, by promoting the diligent prosecution of domestic abusers and by sup- porting tough penalties for those who engage in such misconduct. Whether publicized or not, domestic vio- lence is a problem in our own Jewish com- munity. But, as discussed above, our Jewish values provide tools and guidance to help tackle it. While I may only be a high school senior, I intend to pursue a career involv- ing the protection of women's rights, which would include the prevention of violence against women. The Jewish values that have been instilled in me not only have been an inspiration for this pursuit, but also provide me with the tools for being successful. With my pas- sion for helping all people, along with my strong Jewish values, I hope to help create a violence-free tomorrow. * Hannah Katz, a recent graduate of Frankel Jewish Academy, won first place in an essay contest for high school seniors on the topic of how Jewish values can help create a future free of domestic abuse. The contest, which paid cash prizes for the top three essays, was sponsored by Jewish Family Service's 100 Mensches men's group. viewpoints » S e n d l e t t e r s t o : l e t t e r s @ t h e j e w i s h n e w s . c o m 8 June 23 • 2016 essay Jewish Values And Domestic Abuse Hannah Katz Don Rochlen, JFS chairperson; Hannah Katz, Frankel Jewish Academy, first-place essay winner; JFS CEO Perry Ohren; Zachary Collen, North Farmington High School, second place; Mark Jacobs, 100 Mensches co-chair; and Randi Traison, FJA, third place A nagging undercurrent to the con- troversy over Israel's plans to cre- ate a designated prayer section for non-Orthodox worshippers at the Western Wall takes the form of haredi Orthodox rab- bis ridiculing non-Orthodox Jews. The boorish behavior not only isn't becoming of rabbinic leaders in the ancestral Jewish homeland, but also does nothing to bring the Jewish people, varied as we are reli- giously, together. In a recent example, Israel's former Sephardic chief rabbi, said the landmark compromise creating a mixed-gender prayer space at the Western Wall would "weaken Jerusalem," the Israeli capital. He went on to say allowing the space in an area dubbed Robinson's Arch would be "an unforgiveable wrong, a sin that begets more." "And if we do not maintain our holy com- mitment on these matters," Rabbi Shlomo Amar declared on June 5, "we will find our- selves immediately dragged into things that will lead to a schism among the people." In reality, Amar's rant has proven a drag on the efforts of non-Orthodox Jews to establish a toehold in the waters of religious pluralism inside Israel. It didn't help that Amar, current Sephardic chief rabbi of Jerusalem and thus a role model in the haredi Orthodox community, branded Jews who favor a pluralistic worship space at the Western Wall as "wicked." PUSH AND PULL Such name-calling reeks of fear that Israel's Progressive (Reform) and Masorti (Conservative) streams as well as Women of the Wall, which is committed to liberal prayer at the Wall, might gain a recognized presence at Judaism's holiest site. In January, Israel's Cabinet approved developing the Wall's non-Orthodox wor- ship space to the south of the Orthodox- controlled traditional plaza. Uproar by Israel's haredi Orthodox parties, and both current chief rabbis, effectively shelved expansion of the contentious space pending further review. The haredi coalition is against construc- tion of a shared entrance to both the tradi- tional plaza and the new space, arguing these distinctly different prayer areas should not be thought of as equal. The coalition also is against non-Orthodox representation on the committee overseeing the non-Orthodox area at the Wall. UNNEEDED FRENZY Meanwhile, leaders of the Reform and Conservative movements in the U.S. main- tain a drumbeat of pressure on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to break the stalemate in his government and bring to fruition the Western Wall's expanded plural- istic worship space. Israel faces a battery of grave matters, not the least of which are international isolation, Palestinian violence, a spiraling cost of liv- ing and terrorist groups staging at multiple borders. It doesn't need the distraction of a furor over who is a Jew — or Shlomo Amar divi- sively mocking egalitarian-prayer proponents for acting, in his twisted view, "brazenly and mockingly" in their quest to "desecrate" the Western Wall. * editorial Haredi Vitriol Toward Non-Orthodox Hurts Israel