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14 August 31 • 2017 jn continued from page 12 Andrew Kukes Tell. While most people provide cues, these messages are usually indirect. Listeners have to pay attention to the words they hear, the actions they see and the feelings they sense. Phrases such as "no one cares," "it's hopeless" or "there's nothing anyone can do" indicate despair and a lack of hope that things can get better. Changes in behavior such as a drop in grades, a loss of interest in socializing, or increased drug and alcohol use are also signs of depression. A traumatic situation such as divorce or another suicide can also be a trigger. "We have to notice the tell even if it's indirect," Blumstein said. Ask. If you have recognized the signs, this is the time to ask the question, "Are you thinking of suicide?" You can repeat the things the per- son has said to you, such as "When someone talks about feeling hopeless or not wanting help, this can mean they are thinking about sui- cide. Are you?" Be direct. Blumstein says that, in most cases, a direct question will get an honest answer. "People are afraid to cause damage. You will not cause depression by asking," he said. "If you're not sure, ask more questions." Listen. The research shows that most people want to talk about not wanting to live. They just need to know someone is listening. Once a person admits to thinking about suicide, let him know you want to continue the conversation. "Let's talk about this." "This is important." "I am listening." Depending on what is said, you may want to ask if he has thought about suicide in specific terms, whether he has a plan or a time frame. Keep Safe. The program stresses this is not the time, nor are you the one, to solve the per- son's problems. The only job of the "alert helper" is to connect the person as quickly as possible to someone who can help. It could be a thera- pist or Blumstein, who has handled dozens of interventions since he began the training, or a parent or other family member or a suicide pre- vention hotline such as Common Ground. FEELING EMPOWERED Blumstein, who has trained staff members at local Jewish summer camps and schools, has been asked to intervene with kids as young as 9. He says most people who participate in SafeTALK are surprised to find they have an opportunity to use the training within a rela- tively short time. "I now feel more comfortable asking the uncomfortable questions," said Jodi Backalar, a Farmington Hills resident who attends Washington University. Blumstein said many local organizations are looking into SafeTALK training for the coming year. "It's helpful training; everyone should do it," said Catie Quinn, program manager and camp director for Friendship Circle of Michigan. "It's good to feel empowered, especially in situations that are so challenging." As for me, I have not had the chance to use the tools I learned in SafeTALK, but if anyone out there wants to talk, feel free to reach out. I am listening. • To learn about future training sessions, contact Rabbi Yarden Blumstein at (248) 788-7878 or yarden@friendship- circle.org. The Andrew Kukes Foundation for Social Anxiety (AKFSA) and Friendship Circle in West Bloomfield are part- nering to expand Friendship Circle's UMatter program, focused on teen mental health. AKFSA will co-sponsor the program, providing a $250,000 grant in a five-year commitment. The UMatter program strives to help teens and young adults who find themselves in isolation with a variety of programming focused on the idea that everyone truly matters. The program is facilitated by the UMatter Teen Leadership Board, a group of teens from area high schools who assist their peers by working to reduce the stigma that surrounds mental health to provide support and friendship. "When I began as director of our Daniel B. Sobel Friendship House, which focused on isolation and life crises, my attention was drawn to the great need for teens to have posi- tive messages about mental health issues. Out of those conversations, UMatter emerged," said Rabbi Yarden Blumstein, director of Friendship Circle's teen division of the Morrie and Sybil Fenkell Volunteer Club. UMatter was launched in 2015 with one teen adviser and 15 teen leaders. In 2016, UMatter trained more than 300 individuals in suicide prevention and hosted four success- ful events. In 2017 and 2018, public high schools and private middle and high schools are examining relation- ships with UMatter. Walled Lake Consolidated School District, among the largest districts in Oakland County, already has confirmed par- ticipation at all three of the district's high schools for a UMatter Week. West Bloomfield High School and three other districts in the tri-county area also are considering hosting UMatter Weeks. "With the support of the Andrew Kukes Foundation, we are focused on introducing 10 new high schools to hosting UMatter Weeks to reach more of our young people with the message that they are not alone and mental health deserves the same attention and care as our physical health," said Rabbi Levi Shemtov, executive director of Friendship Circle. "We started the Andrew Kukes Foundation six years ago, not only in tribute to our son Andy, but to help families and friends understand they need to be aware and involved in the mental health of those they care about, rather than just hoping things will work themselves out," said Jeff Kukes, co-founder of AKFSA. "To honor Andy's memory, it is important to us to support young people engag- ing their peers because the younger they receive support, the better the outcome." Andy Kukes took his own life after searching for years for the proper diagnosis and treatment of his social anxiety. Mental health profession- als agree that the transitions from middle school to high school and high school to college are especially difficult for teens coping with mental health issues, and early intervention is critical in helping them overcome those challenges. More about UMatter is available at Friendshipcircle.org/umatter. To participate or host a UMatter Week, email Umatter@friendshipcircle. org or contact Yarden Blumstein at Yarden@friendshipcircle.org or call (248) 788-7878 ext. 208. • Foundation To Help Expand Teen Mental Health Program RONELLE GRIER Rabbi Yarden Blumstein of Friendship Circle of Michigan teaches a SafeTALK class. jews d in the continued on page 16