Issue link: http://viewer.e-digitaledition.com/i/629706
Ask Bill has a master's degree in counseling psychology from the University of Southern Mississippi and has been a licensed professional counselor since 1987. He has 23 years of individual and relational counseling experience and serves as an adjunct instructor in counseling psychology at Mississippi College. He has been a reserve deputy for 10 years with the Madison County Sheriff's Office and is a ruling elder at Grace Chapel Evangelical Presbyterian Church. He adores his wife of 31 years and their two grown children. 14 s t d o m .c o m LOCAL "THIS IS MY COMMANDMENT, THAT YOU LOVE ONE ANOTHER AS I HAVE LOVED YOU." —JOHN 15:12 LOVING IN MARRIAGE Love is a big word that is used to describe how we feel and act toward others in our lives. Our use of love may be turned on and off the same way as a light on a dimmer switch, but love itself is not something we can turn on and off. Ultimately, love is a gift from God that is constant and eternal. It is selfless with no need for reciprocation, but returning love to your spouse completes the circle of relationship. The wedding ring is an outward sign that you are in a committed, loving relationship. It is a circle that has no end. It is constant. It is not by accident that Jesus described His relationship with the church as a marriage, He being the groom and the church being the bride. Marriage is meant to emulate the love between Christ and the church. Can you find evidence in your marriage of love? What does it look like? How do you feel when it is directed toward you? How do you feel when you direct it toward your spouse? Are you good at using it? If you are anything like me, you fail to love more than you care to admit. I believe that a large part of our work is to recognize and reduce the ways of our selfishness while increasing the use of selfless acts; not for return on our investment, but to give of ourselves, free of charge, because we love our spouse. As parents, we know that children equate love as the sum of time plus attention. The time and attention given to children by their caregivers does many things, from establishing healthy self- esteem to developing healthy attachment qualities and security. These are just a few products resulting from love. In much the same way, adult love relationships are strengthened or weakened by the amount of time and attention given to the participants. Look at any technique or program used to repair or maintain a love relationship, and you will see that time and attention directed toward the participants is at the core. This may sound elementary, and it is! It's not rocket science. If the participants in the marriage create time and attention for each other, love has the opportunity to flourish.