Footwear Insight

I have almost been arrested three times in my life. In high school, my teammates and I snuck into the ice rink to play hockey after hours, so technically it was breaking and entering (B&E as I heard the police officer say on his radio). The second occurred when I worked at Fairchild Publications and came into the office on Sunday and found they had changed the security code without telling me. I attempted to crack the lock with my racquetball racquet and ended up setting off an alarm. The police thought it was hysterical. New York City cops have a great handle on what is serious and what is not. And the next day, my boss called me into his office and suggested that perhaps I was working too much and needed to take time off. "Mental Health Days" is what he sug- gested. And it occurred to me that maybe I had acted a little crazy. And then recently I was "detained" at a major industry trade show for walking into the exhibition space without proper credentials. Hint: there were lots of guns at this show, so yes, I was a little scared. My wife and children tell me it's only a matter of time before I finally am officially arrested for offering unsolicited advice to shoppers in stores or interceding on behalf of customers who are not getting what I deem as adequate service. I hope that doesn't happen. My pasty complexion would not look good in orange. Plus, I believe my family has it backwards. I'm not the bad guy. I prefer to think of myself as the service police. These are two instances in which I would have handed out bad service citations. I was with my daughter in a mall-based athletic footwear retailer last weekend. Note to store personnel: When a father walks into a store with his teenage daughter, it's not a ques- tion of what they'll buy, but how much. For commissioned sales help, this is like fishing with dynamite. Not in this store. My daughter knew what she wanted — New Balance Fresh Foam Cruz to replace her current favorite pair. The store didn't have the exact style, but we were open to other ideas and wished the store had offered some. But we eventually walked out empty footed and annoyed. These guys would get a ticket for "Failure to Convert a Customer." And at a time when mall traffic is precious, the fine of $125 would be doubled. Recently I was out running errands and stopped at Whole Foods for lunch. I know that sentence just made half of you cringe. I rarely go there, but I wanted something quick and healthy so I walked over from the bank parking lot, grabbed a quick assortment from the salad bar and sat alone with my thoughts while I ate. When I emerged from the store, a young fellow in a day glow yellow vest approached me in the parking lot and said, "Sir, you can't park here if you don't shop here." I politely informed him that he was wrong on both counts. In fact, I had shopped there ($12 for a salad bar and fancy flavored seltzer) and had in fact parked across the street and was walking to my car right now. Clearly this guy didn't believe me. "If you want to park here without shopping, we ask that you do it in the back of the lot." I started to give this guy a piece of my mind, but then just stopped and searched for a moment of inner peace. "Serenity Now," I told myself. And "have a nice day," is what I told this eager young fellow. Clearly, he deserved a citation for "insulting a paying customer," along with the additional charge of "chasing away a customer from future visits." I don't know what the appropriate fine would be for those transgressions. Community service and rehab would likely be more beneficial. O ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT AND THE SERVICE POLICE TIMEOUT | MARK SULLIVAN Note to store personnel: When a father walks into a store with his teenage daughter, it's not a question of what they'll buy, but how much. Featuring Lynco ® or thotic suppor t and memory foam cushioning for superior comfor t the healthiest shoes you'll ever wear ®

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